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balanced life
March 2009 
How many Sub Personalities do you have?
Posted on Jul 29th, 2008
by 
Dee
Dee
Wow. I just spent the past few hours on intense gaia posts reading on sub personalities, the inner child and healing our exiles. It feels like many windows have been opened up and breezes are coming through!
Bare with me as I am catching my breath from this emotional self discovery rollercoaster, I did the exercises recommended by the group and Kira- a life coach and a former psychotherapist- through the exercises, I learned that (from the discussion)-
sub personalities are normal and healthy parts of us that play various roles in our lives (e.g., a take-charge part at work, a tender part when parenting a young child in pain, an adventurous part when doing personal growth work or white-water rafting)
"* sub personalities can be forced into extreme roles by trauma, coercive parenting, and other difficult situations – “extreme roles” might include being a compulsive accommodator, a super-aggressive enforcer of rules, being hyper intellectual, etc.
* “healing” means allowing sub personalities to release the burdens they've been carrying so they can return to their healthy, preferred roles – healing also means that the Self is in a leadership role with all the sub personalities and can lead effectively so they do not have to revert to extreme roles, and the sub personalities trust the Self to lead effectively
* the goal is not to integrate the sub personalities so that they disappear – the goal is a balanced, equitable, functional system, much the same as a family where everyone's unique personality and unique gifts, strengths, talents, and wisdom are honored, and everyone works together harmoniously – obviously, we're not likely to evolve to the point where we achieve this harmony all the time, but we can work toward more Self leadership and an increased ability to relate to our sub personalities so we can defuse problems before they become crises"
How intriguing! I have always had an idea of the sub personalities and the inner child within us, but I didn't figure them out yet, also I didn't realize how important it is to understand the relationships you have with your sub-personalities and how it could effect your life (personal growth).
So I can say that I am fairly new at this, but I have figured out the following so far, and this will be my new project:
- In the past I have expected others (especially the ones I chose to be in a relationship with) to tend to my wounded inner child (as also described as my exiled sub personalities), when it really needed MY attention.
-I have the intention to discover, connect and communicate with my inner child. Listen to its needs and let it set the pace for healing progress (I liked the discussion said to imagine your inner child is a wounded puppy). Your exiled inner child may consist of great qualities that your higher self can truly benefit from but have been kept away for protection reasons.
It's been heart-moving and I got all teary eyed reading all the discussions. I am continuing to learn more. I am having a girls night out with my friend Becky and I will be sharing the concept and exercises with her. and of course all of you at gaia. :)
Go check out the group, and Kira-
http://pods.gaia.com/healthy_boundaries/discussions/board/2193
Happy Growing! :D
Bare with me as I am catching my breath from this emotional self discovery rollercoaster, I did the exercises recommended by the group and Kira- a life coach and a former psychotherapist- through the exercises, I learned that (from the discussion)-
sub personalities are normal and healthy parts of us that play various roles in our lives (e.g., a take-charge part at work, a tender part when parenting a young child in pain, an adventurous part when doing personal growth work or white-water rafting)
"* sub personalities can be forced into extreme roles by trauma, coercive parenting, and other difficult situations – “extreme roles” might include being a compulsive accommodator, a super-aggressive enforcer of rules, being hyper intellectual, etc.
* “healing” means allowing sub personalities to release the burdens they've been carrying so they can return to their healthy, preferred roles – healing also means that the Self is in a leadership role with all the sub personalities and can lead effectively so they do not have to revert to extreme roles, and the sub personalities trust the Self to lead effectively
* the goal is not to integrate the sub personalities so that they disappear – the goal is a balanced, equitable, functional system, much the same as a family where everyone's unique personality and unique gifts, strengths, talents, and wisdom are honored, and everyone works together harmoniously – obviously, we're not likely to evolve to the point where we achieve this harmony all the time, but we can work toward more Self leadership and an increased ability to relate to our sub personalities so we can defuse problems before they become crises"
How intriguing! I have always had an idea of the sub personalities and the inner child within us, but I didn't figure them out yet, also I didn't realize how important it is to understand the relationships you have with your sub-personalities and how it could effect your life (personal growth).
So I can say that I am fairly new at this, but I have figured out the following so far, and this will be my new project:
- In the past I have expected others (especially the ones I chose to be in a relationship with) to tend to my wounded inner child (as also described as my exiled sub personalities), when it really needed MY attention.
-I have the intention to discover, connect and communicate with my inner child. Listen to its needs and let it set the pace for healing progress (I liked the discussion said to imagine your inner child is a wounded puppy). Your exiled inner child may consist of great qualities that your higher self can truly benefit from but have been kept away for protection reasons.
It's been heart-moving and I got all teary eyed reading all the discussions. I am continuing to learn more. I am having a girls night out with my friend Becky and I will be sharing the concept and exercises with her. and of course all of you at gaia. :)
Go check out the group, and Kira-
http://pods.gaia.com/healthy_boundaries/discussions/board/2193
Happy Growing! :D
Access: PublicTagged with: physcotherpy, sub personality, inner child, emotions, relationships, personal growth, life styling, self discovery, learning, balanced life
hey Sandy,
what a fabulous post! you condensed the concepts into an extremely succinct and articulate bunch of paragraphs, and it's really clear that this stuff resonates strongly for you – if you'd like to learn more, check out the Center for Self Leadership – I've been taking some of their professional trainings, and they also offer workshops for the public, including one at Esalen next January – also check out the IFS Store (click on Resources) – there's a book called Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model, which I highly recommend as a succinct way to learn more about this model – and there'll be a book on relationships coming out later this year, which will also be available through the IFS Store – I'm copyediting the relationships book, and I can absolutely say that it's brilliant
I'm so excited that this stuff resonates for you :)
blessings,
Kira
Thank you! I only hope to be able to sum up what I have gotten from the posts! I really felt the connection once I started reading- it just makes so much sense. I will check out the center of self leadership-and can't wait to check out the books! Especially the one on relationship- I have been studying relationships as well as making observations on my own relationship. It's been a thrill, to say the least. :D
You are amazing, Kira. Thank you for sharing what you know- it's really making a difference!!
Sandy, thanks so much for your kind words – the book on relationships should be for sale on the Center for Self Leadership's website in early October – I'd be interested in hearing what you think of it and any other stuff you read – it's such good stuff, and it's making a huge difference in my life as well :)